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viernes, octubre 20, 2006

Con el alma adolorida


...Ando mirando demasiado a puntos fijos...estoy viendo demasiados pies y perros...todo a raz de piso...estoy tan triste, pienso tanto y no quiero pensar...no quiero sentir...sentir como siento...hasta el corazón tiene miedo de palpitar, porque cada latido duele...mis lágrimas que un día...al principio...salieron a borbotones...hoy se cristalisan antes de brotar por mis ojos y no salen...no salen...se están juntando y eso me asusta...no voy a perder la razón porque ya no laperdí, sigo aquí bancándomela...la vida...la muerte...estoy viva y mi corazón muerto?...no, no creo porque lo siento, lo siento mal y eso se siente. Va a pasar, como todo, pasará...son unos cuantos dias los que han pasado y me estoy recuperando de la paliza moral y espiritual...de eso, mas no del dolor...Por segunda vez en mi vida, llevo solitariamente un secreto, una pena un "no sé que hacer", un "no sé que pensar", un trágame tierra"...un "ayudame...".
Tengo mucho miedo de pensar que me quiero morir...hay gente que me ama...pero pierdo las fuerzas, de verdad las pierdo...porque nadie te enseña a ser mas fuerte de lo normal...a saber mas de lo desconocido...a tener mas respuestas para lo impensado...porqué?...solo quiero dormir hasta no se cuándo y no despertar a media noche...que me abracen unos brazos seguros...que mamá a la distancia me acurruque...que me beses y olvidarlo todo por segundos tal vez...y aún así, siento que caigo al vacío...veo mi reflejo en algún vidrio y me doy cuenta que jamás vi una cara tan triste en ninguna parte...

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